Buying Together

Buying a home can be an overwhelming process. There’s so much to do and if you are buying with someone else, it’s often the case that one party is more invested in the process than the other. Perhaps they lack the time, or don’t share your level of enthusiasm to attend twelve open homes back-to-back in a day, or they don’t really want to discuss it every time you’ve been looking online and found another place. It can be hard to know how to approach the process when you don’t necessarily have someone to bounce ideas off, or who has the same enthusiasm for it as you do. 

Working with many couples over the years, I’ve found it’s often the case that one party has more investment and energy to give the task. This can be a great thing, as it means the workload is clear and we can get on with the job. What can cause problems is lack of clarity or when the less-involved person’s wishes are assumed.

One person often takes the lead in the buying process, but it’s important to reach agreement on potential problems before we jump into the search.

If you’re buying with someone else, whether that be your partner, your family member as guarantor, a long-term friend or relative, it’s important to get clear on the brief and the input of anyone contributing funds from the outset.

You may think you’re both on the same page: we need three bedrooms but four would be nice, lots of natural light and good flow, etc, but when it comes time to decide quickly on opportunities that arise it can become a stressful process with heated arguments and one party feeling they need to ‘give in’. That’s not what we want. Buying a home is a long-term purchase and you both need to feel happy there long after the sold sticker goes up.

I recommend both parties write a list of their needs and wants, and it’s essential to do this separately from each other before you even begin looking at homes online. Go into detail about anything you feel needs further explanation; perhaps you feel a fourth bedroom is a want rather than a need as a sofabed in a larger lounge room would be enough for visitors, or an ensuite is something you’re happy to live without for now if one can be added later, for example. Keep it to one page, max. Swap your list with one another and read their list carefully to hear where they’re coming from.

If there’s differences, that’s great. Better to know upfront and you can then flesh out those differences for discussion by finding two or three examples of properties that illustrate those differences for some discussion. Rather than making it a case of “I want v you want”, seek to understand what they mean by finding examples within a property that has been sold. By using properties that aren’t on the market, you’re taking away the pressure of thinking (even subconsciously) about buying that home and you can focus on the task at hand to break each component down and talk about differences of opinion in your property brief. Hopefully you can then reach a point of agreement, or at the very least you’ll understand their perspective and know the qualities in a home that they’ll like and those they’ll object to if you’re undertaking the lion’s share of the work.

Find examples from properties that have sold. Keep it objective and seek to understand what they mean by finding visuals to illustrate. This is why we take photos to the hairdresser rather than describing to them what we want - our ‘caramel’ can be their ‘toffee’ but neither will know until we have a photo in front of us before we begin.

After doing this, write up a new list of needs and wants together to give you an agreed property brief. This will form the basis of your search and it’s important to take the time to make it as clear as possible.

By doing this exercise together at the beginning, it can help you both feel heard and give the less-involved person some input upfront rather than chiming in to say they don’t want it when it’s time to make offers. This is often a stressful and time-sensitive stage and being on the same page will help you enormously. I can tell you from experience that buying property with a clear understanding of what you both want gives you a much smoother road ahead with fewer discussions about differences of opinion. You’ll be better placed to act with confidence when the right property appears.

Happy house-hunting!

Claire